an act of god

The Confederate Cowboys Motorcycle Club three ticks after passing Fran’s & in sync with the very moment Candy Cain’s Coke Queen Amber vacuumed a line three times the length of Route Sixty -Six…

 

by ed markowski

 

Spinning past ……
Madame Ito’s Tokyo Nights Massage Palace & Spa as
Midori Jones was dancing the proletariat Shing – A – Ling
up & down Mayor Montgomery’s Republican Ding – A – Ling
after she spoon fed him a full order of pussy cat sashimi
with wasabi grits mustard greens & red eye gravy,

Buck’s Black Cat Bar & Grill seven ticks before Bobby Smith
nudged Cleve Fowler’s cue ball over the lip of & silently
into the side pocket while Cleve was paying Denny The Fence
for the gold chain & charm he bought Connie the baby sitter
who taught him incredible angles he never dreamed possible
for a man of 50 with two plastic knees & a grass green glass
eye, after he helped her with her eleventh grade geometry
homework when his wife was away on city business last
weekend in room number twenty – three at the Gulf Breeze
Motel with the Honorable Councilman Mister Robert C Smith,

The Velvet Leopard’s Sex Train & Toy Depot where Tina Lewis
the tall teller at the New Delta National Bank & Trust fondled
then purchased a foam rubber billy club, a pair of pink plastic
handcuffs, & two vials of Satan’s Sensuous Sin Stimulating Oil,
all of which she prayed were the key, keys, or combination that
would unlock the vault behind the new branch manager’s Costa
Rican fools gold cargo pants & his Chinese silver Joe Boxer
Boxers,

Blue Grass Jack’s Old Kentucky Bourbon & Tobacco Shack six
tocks before Blue Grass guaranteed a home team victory on
Friday night & put six crisp Franklins where his mouth was
to prove it, five ticks after he handed Comet Lake’s all star,
all state, all American quarterback, a gram of snow white
Mexican Mud for lift off & a gram of off white Bolivian
Oblivion for splash down,

French Quarter Fran’s VooDoo Vinyard four years to the day
after Fran got caught sticking the last pin in Sally Morgan’s
marriage at the Star Spangled Blues Motor Lodge & Convention
Center when Sally Sue’s man Uncle Sam stuck what he thought
was his safety pin in Fran’s calypso cushion for the umpteenth
time clearly in the clear blue eye of an instamatic that Sally’s
Pea Eye Jake from Yazoo City planted behind a crumbling
crucifix four tocks before the crucifixion took place in a room
with a view of the Waffle House parking lot & dumpster,

The Confederate Cowboys Motorcycle Club three ticks after
passing Fran’s & in sync with the very moment Candy Cain’s
Coke Queen Amber vacuumed a line three times the length
of Route Sixty – Six then ducked under the initiation table
to give in gratitude Road Dog , Red Dog , Gray Dog , Green Dog ,
Dead Dog , Mud Puppy , Hush Puppy , Spaniel , Poodle , Beagle ,
Mutt & Flea a real sweet treat that they talk about to this day,

Detroit Darryl’s Dixie Fried Chicken & Shrimp the undisputed
home of urban cool where Detroit D butchered load after
load of raving road kill crows , swept them under a frayed red
carpet of cayenne , marinated the birds in a guise of profound
& original , seasoned the things with a generous dose of Abra
Cadabra & sold the golden chickens to a man from New England
who was just passing through in search of an original hillbilly
haiku “About three beans long & shorter than a dwarf ,” two
tocks after Detroit D said, ” I ain’t never seen one , what the
fuck do they do” …………………………..& …………………………………

Harley’s Whole Hog Heaven Bar – B – Que Pit, where I booked
bets , paid what I owed , nibbled some ribs , drank seven Buds
’cause on the seventh day I rested too , laid ten Andy Jacksons
on the Saints over Buffalo , watched Miss Jesse Jane Adams pull
pig & pile pork the way every pig on Planet Titanic should
always be piled & pulled & said, ” HELL YES” exactly that tall
& loud, after Jesse Jane winked & said, ” I’m off at eight Eddie ,
why dontcha stop by for a beer & I’ll show ya how I really
pull pig right & proper in my kitchen,” one tick before …………………

An F-3 tornado leveled the First Salvation Station Missionary
Church of Pickett’s Landing taking the life of a visiting faith
healer from Amarillo , Texas an hour after he stopped speaking
in tongues , passed twenty ten gallon hats , laid his hands on
Pap Wilson’s chest & shouted out ………….
“YOU DON ‘ T NEED NO DOCTOR TO MAKE YOU WELL … AMEN!
YOU DON ‘ T NEED NO KEY MOE THERAPY TO DISSOLVE THE
GRIP SATAN HAS ON YOUR FESTERING SOUL!! AMEN!!! AMEN!!!!
YOU DON ‘ T NEED NO BEAM OF RADIATION TO ENLIGHTEN
THE DARKNESS MISTER JIM BEAM HAS BRANDED ON YOUR
SICK & WICKED HEART!!!!! AMEN!!!!!!AMEN!!!!!!!AMEN!!!!!!!! BECAUSE
BROTHER, IN THE PURE WHITE LOVE & LIGHT THAT IS THE
ESSENCE OF OUR LORD GEEEEEEEZ US KAAAA RICED!!!!!!!!
I DECLARE YOU CANCER FREE !!!!!!!!!AMEN!!!!!AAMEN!!!!AAAMEN!!!!!!!
AAAAAAAAAAMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! “

Originally published:
Issue Sixty
April 2011

 


Ed Markowski lives and writes in Auburn Hills, Michigan. More of Ed’s stories can be found in the Smokebox Archives.

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