thee interview

I spend a lot of my time on recruitment. But I’m afraid, as usually happens in large corporations, some are only here for the fringe benefit…”

 

by l.a. o’hare

 

“I want to thank you for seeing me today on such short notice.”

“No problem, I’m always here.”

“Yes, I’ve heard that about you. That you’re always available for your investors.”

“Well, I try to be. And quite frankly, I do always get the messages, it’s just sometimes I’m too busy to reply.”

“I understand. You are very busy.”

“Yes, yes, I am. But I do employ an immense amount of people to help me out, so if I’m not readily available, they are always standing by to lend a hand.”

“Tell me, do you hand pick your employees?”

“Well, of course, a vast majority of them, I do. I spend a lot of my time on recruitment. But I’m afraid, as usually happens in large corporations, some are only here for the fringe benefits, so to speak. You know, in many cases, we offer a great educational program, and housing and a modest stipend to live off of. They start out idealistic enough, but as often happens in humanity, corruption soon seeps in.”

“Yes, corruption. That’s an interesting way of putting it. Seems your company has always had to fight corruption in one form or another.”

“Sadly, that’s true. But money, sex and power have always been powerful aphrodisiacs for mankind. I have to say I think it’s a tad unfair, however, to blame me for their mistakes.”

“Well, you are the CEO. You’re supposed to have a handle on it.”

“Look, I can’t control every living thing. I don’t try to. I can only mandate the procedures and hope they’ll follow them. There is enough documentation out there to guide them. They just refuse to conform to our bylaws.”

“Well, tell me this…wouldn’t it help if you centralized your operations, and assimilated your manuals?”

“We’re a multinational company. We have to take cultural differences into account. Oh excuse me a moment, I have a call on my direct line.”

“Sure, no problem.”

“Yes….uh huh…yeeeaaaa….No. Tell him he may not miss supper. It’s not an everyday occurrence and if he can’t make it, well, he’ll just have to be penalized………Now, where were we?”

“What do you do to make sure your bylaws are followed to the letter?”

“I have enforcers, but that’s not a fool-proof plan. Free will is too rampant where temptations are concerned.”

“But free will was your idea, wasn’t it?”

“Well, yes. And I still think it’s a good idea. It separates the posers from the true members.”

“But the implementation of free will has infinitely depleted your stockholders hasn’t it?”

“Yes, yes it has. But they’ll see the error of their ways soon.”

“How so?”

“Haven’t you noticed the increase in earthquakes, flooding, fires?”

“Yes.”

“The time is near, my son. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have another appointment. I’m sure you can find your way out.”

“Yes, sir. Thank you again for your time.”

“Not a problem. Anytime. And just remember…I love you.”

Originally published:
Issue Fifty-Three
November 2008

 

(illustration: dee sunshine)


A tarnished southern belle, L.A. O’Hare is a woman without a state, in between homes, and who suddenly finds herself embarking on a new life to God knows where doing God knows what. Her fiction and non-fiction have been published both domestically and abroad. She has been writing, drawing and doing graphic work for the past 25 years.

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