Search Results for: "by bill carney"

fat city

The usual assortment of lunatic billionaires was running for president that year. No amount of trophy wives, supermodels, plastic surgery, ‘access,’or grotesque buildings bearing their names could properly assuage their enormous egos, so they ran for president. Yet, all the candidates agreed with the bi-partisan solution that the fat had…

charlie reed

For one particularly irksome neighbor, he had to obtain a veterinarian’s needle. He drilled a little hole in the guy’s headlights and used the long needle to fill the lights with kerosene. Voila, flamethrower headlights. It was almost too easy…”   by bill carney   Like a lot of people…

unplanned adolescence

Preparation and capacity are necessary to heed the voice, to take the plunge into the unknown, to surrender ourselves to the Whatever. I had a collection of Rumi’s poetry, a Yugo, and a six pack of Stroh’s, and I was born ready to surrender…”   by bill carney   The…

dear diary

I had heard the country of Africa was pretty corrupt, but there are just suitcases fully of money for those with the wherewithal and Foreigner status to claim them. That’s business. Caveat emporium. Their loss is my gain…”   by bill carney   Dear Diary: Great news today! Just when…

the monkey boy discovered: smokebox interview

His method was flawed in my view, because just knowing that I was doubly depressed, made me even more depressed. I soon had triple depression, which even accounting for the ‘everyone is depressed’ factor left with me with double depression again so I was right back where I started….”  …

separated at birth: lord byron & jack white

White’s music was fixated on the past and on death…Byron loved to drink his claret from a skull cup and sleeping overnight on the graves of people he admired….”   by bill carney   While most people would admit that White Stripes’ singer and guitarist Jack White and English Romantic…

n.f.l. foodchain

There is a popular myth that the team was named after the Brown Bomber, Joe Louis. I fully support that decision but it is odd since Louis was from Detroit, and frankly it is hard to imagine Cleveland in the 1940s naming their team after a black man…..”   by…

friend or faux

Our guitarist, Le Marquis!, performed regularly in oversized ladies’ bloomers. His brother, keyboard player Beau Pantalons, liked to wear a motorcycle outfit complete with toy police helmet and gloves….”   by bill carney   For years I maintained two lives, my daytime job as an appellate public defender and my…